Monday, May 20, 2013

change, choice and peace of mind...

No, this isn't about a marriage proposal.
it's about saying YES to life itself.
Saying yes to making art part time
instead of full time.

Saying yes to a 15 minute art session
instead of a 2 hour one.

Saying yes to knowing that art will always be with me,
regardless of what i do from 9 to 5. :-)


As many of you already know, a few months ago,
i made the decision to look for work outside the home.

The whole business of making a living with art
became very disheartening to me.
I seemed to be struggling all the time
to make ends meet.

When the struggle overshadows the joy -
it's time for a change.


When i lost my job unexpectedly almost 10 years ago now
and made the decision to become an entrepreneur,
i had no idea what it meant,
or where it would lead
or how i would do.

But i knew one thing.

i would give it a damn good shot
and when it no longer worked for me,
i would steer in a different direction.
Here we are, 10 years later,
and i am steering towards a new path.

I have made countless creative connections,
i've worked with tons of wonderful (and not so wonderful) clients ;-)
and i have learned more about myself
that i ever thought possible.

Oh, and i've become more brave. :-)


Too often, we say no to change.

We don't trust ourselves enough
to be able to handle whatever comes our way.
We want to keep things the same,
predictable,
safe,
protected from the possibility of maybe failing...
of maybe losing control...
of maybe making a mistake...
of maybe being judged by others.

I've failed at many things.
i'm quite ok with this. 
i think as a society,
we need to worry less about what others think
and listen to our own hearts for a change.
Be kinder to ourselves.
Viktor Frankl -
a man i admire, for so many reasons...


Everything can be taken from a man but one thing:
the last of human freedoms - to choose one's attitude
in any given set of circumstances,
to choose one's own way.
- Viktor Frankl


Wednesday, May 15, 2013

grief in waves...

You'll stay with me?
Until the very end, said James.
- J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Sometimes i think i've lost my mind
to make a collage with this stuff....

scraps of paper that bring back sad memories
of mom
but scraps of paper i kept -
for one reason or another.
prescriptions,
hospital room numbers,
hospital phone numbers...
stuff that i should want to bury deep away somewhere
or burn in the backyard fire pit...
but i don't want to.

i want to keep everything -
even the bad stuff that reminds me
of the suffering.
Suffering was part of her life in the end...
it was part of our lives
so why pretend it wasn't there?
i may as well honor it
as i do the good memories
even if it saddens me to remember.

I almost feel like these little scraps of paper haunt me
until i put them all together in one place
where they collectively form a certain memory in grief...
And once it's done,
i breathe easier
in a strange way.

Some people have issues with hoarding stuff,
i hoard memories. :-)

Be good to yourself.
xox

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

big buddha, little buddha...


a little bit of art...

circles, and dots and more circles. ;-)


 a quick portrait with colored pencils...

i don't know why, but the portraits i do from imagination (like this one)
always tend to look half male/half female.

Not one or the other, but both combined.
 maybe it's the balance i wish we all had...
yin yang
 my little buddha man, watching over...
and the big buddha man...
jerry garcia. ;-)

Looking forward to more journaling this weekend,
and to visiting more of you.

i also have so many inspiring things i want to share with you all.
See you all again soon.
xox